He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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