I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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