we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
