dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
