the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
