you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
