You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
