Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
