i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
