tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
