They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
