i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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