remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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