i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
