mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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