Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
