I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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