You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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