"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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