Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
