She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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