ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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