I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
