i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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