I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
