Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
