And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
