Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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