i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
