I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
