so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
