My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
