Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
