he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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