Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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