hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
