Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
