why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
