Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
