And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
