he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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