I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
