If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
