I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
