If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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