She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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