got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
