Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
