My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
