hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
