I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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