HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I could make wine with my vomit
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
