Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I only lived at night.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
